So Terrorists Hate Teddy Bears Now?

Apparently a British woman teaching in Sudan is under arrest for letting her students name a teddy bear that one of the little girls brought into class. The class took a vote on what to name the bear, and they chose Muhammad. Uh oh. Not the M-word! This got the teacher in some hot water, as she apparently can receive a punishment of up to 6 months in jail, 40 lashes, or a huge fine. I think I'll take the fine, thank you very much. You can read the article here. The school is run by Christians and is multi-racial and co-ed, but unfortunately Sudan's population is 50-70% Muslim and only 4-15% Christian. No wonder they didn't like the teacher naming the bear Muhammad....but wait...didn't the kids take a democratic vote on what to name the bear? Oooooohhhhh. I get it now. Maybe it wasn't the fact that they named it Muhammad (which is the most common name in the world, unlike the name McLovin), but the fact that a Western woman gave a group of children (including females, one of which whom the bear belonged to) THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE VIA A DEMOCRATIC VOTE! Gasp! Blasphemy! God forbid the Muslim world allow their citizens an ounce of freedom! How dare they!

You see, these are the kinds of nut jobs that our government keeps letting into our country; where they proceed to form their own little social bubbles, and then bitch and moan and sue the pants off people who don't want them to enact their Sharia law, or who simply offend "the religion of peace" in any way. Yeah, "religion of peace" my ass. Arresting a woman because her students named a teddy bear - a fucking inanimate object - after the prophet Muhammad and then threatening her with jail time and 40 lashes is not characteristic of a "religion of peace." If Islam is the "religion of peace," then the Cross Bronx Expressway is the best highway ever designed. Fuck! Can we please grow some balls and start putting an end to this madness? I have an idea of how to end it, and it starts by pushing a big red button on-board a submarine. Seriously...how many more people have to get royally fucked because they offended Islam?





P.S. Muhammad can fondle my balls! Oops :) Looks like it's 40 lashes for me! Any chance I could just take that fine?

The Best of Boobs & Dinosaurs: The Movie

Ladies and gentlemen...the moment you've all not been waiting for...I present to you The Best of Boobs & Dinosaurs: The Movie!!!

So I guess I should give a little background story as to what Boobs & Dinosaurs is. Well, it started during a summer trip to Wildwood, NJ with a bunch of my friends after freshman year of college. We were bored because the weather was shitty and we had nothing to do but stay in our hotel room and get drunk. So my friend Nick and I decided to make use of the video camera we borrowed from our friend Gutie, and film a drunken excuse for a talk show. We filmed one show for every night we were down the shore. We decided that it was a fun way to get drunk and pass the time during our boring lives, so whenever we came home from college we'd film a show. We landed on the name Boobs & Dinosaurs after a conversation about what types of things should be included in the ultimate guy movie: robots, hot chicks, fast cars, explosions, boobs, killing, fighter planes, dinosaurs, heavy metal, Burt Reynolds, and so on and so forth. We took two things from that list that were the most unrelated to each other, and that we thought would sound the most random if used for the name of the show...thus leading to the name of Boobs & Dinosaurs. After Gutie got his video camera stolen by some stupid Monday up at Boston University, we lost the ability to film our show, since no one else had a video camera or the money to buy one. We also realized how lame we were, and decided that it was time to stop sitting in my basement getting drunk and actually go out and socialize with other people for once.

So now...without further delay, I give you the Best of Boobs & Dinosaurs: The Movie. I had to break it up into four separate parts to be able to post it all. I still don't know why I'm posting this, because it's equally embarrassing for all parties involved...but oh well...whatever.

WARNING: Our humor is very stupid, and some people may find it unfunny and possibly offensive...but we could give two shits.

It was a full house...

I tried to take a shit today at work, and every stall was taken. All three stalls in the main bathroom were full; the cleaning lady was cleaning the other bathroom; and two dudes were dumping in the third bathroom. What the fuck! Get out of the bathroom, cleaning lady! Clean after everyone goes home! I need to take shit, and that's more urgent than you cleaning the bathroom at 10:30am!!!

Teaser Trailer - Best of Boobs and Dinosaurs

Here's a little something to wet your appetite. Yes it has finally arrived...the moment you've all been waiting for...sort of. It's the teaser trailer to the Best of Boobs and Dinosaurs movie! If you want to know what Boobs and Dinosaurs is (or was) all about, then you'll have to wait until I figure out how to load the full movie onto YouTube so I can post it here on For Whom The Bells Tolls. The file is huge, and apparently YouTube limits you to 10 minutes or 100 MB...so I gotta figure out some way to break up the video into parts. In the mean time, enjoy the teaser!

Guitar Hero = Guitar Queer-o

Guitar Hero seems to be the tits lately, especially since it got the honor of being made fun of on South Park this week. Everyone raved over Guitar Hero II so much that it seems like developers waited...oh...about...2 weeks after GHII came out to release GHIII. What's the difference between the two games? A wireless guitar and new songs!!! Joy!!! I seriously don't fuckin get the point of this game. I've tried playing it...and I absolutely suck. Do you know why I suck? Because I can play REAL GUITAR!!! My fingers naturally want to move where I know the notes should be coming from...not to the blue button and then the red button and then the green button for a super power up. There are no super power ups in real guitar. You know what you get when you shred a nasty solo with a real guitar? You get chicks...and money (if you play in an awesome band). Chicks and money. What do you get when you push a few buttons in the right order to a background track that someone else actually recorded? Points. POINTS!!! What fucking real life purpose do points serve?!?!?! Next time you're playing this game, try something for me. Turn off the volume on the TV....know what you'll hear? Nothing but the clicking of plastic buttons. You can beat the game with the volume off, because all you need to do is watch the pattern on screen and hit the right button at the right time!!! You're not actually playing a song!!! You're pushing buttons to a moving pattern of colored circles!!! Turn off the amp on your buddy who's playing real guitar...know what you'll hear? You'll still hear him playing guitar cuz he's actually playing a real fucking guitar!!! When you beat Through the Fire and the Flames on expert difficulty in GHIII, all you've proven is that you can push buttons really fast. You haven't proven that you can actually play Through the Fire and the Flames, which is fucking impossible to play on real guitar unless you are actually one of the guitar players from Dragonforce. You don't even need the plastic guitar to play this game...you could play it with the regular 360 or PS3 controller...because, as I said before...you're just pushing fucking buttons!!! How lazy have we become as a society that people would rather play video game guitar than learn real guitar?!?! "Congratulations! You beat Guitar Hero! You. Are. FAGS!!!" (Quote: South Park)

Ok, I'm done ranting. Time to go play some Heroin Hero.

Take this quiz...the answers will surprise you

If you don't know the answer, make your best guess. Answer all the questions before looking at the answers.

Who said it?

1) "We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."
A. Karl Marx
B. Adolph Hitler
C. Joseph Stalin
D. None of the above

2) "It's time for a new beginning, for an end to government of the
few, by the few, and for the few...and to replace it with shared
responsibility for shared prosperity."
A. Lenin
B. Mussolini
C. Idi Amin
D. None of the Above

3) "(We)...can't just let business as usual go on, and that means
something has to be taken away from some people."
A. Nikita Khrushev
B. Jose f Goebbels
C. Boris Yeltsin
D. None of the above

4) "We have to build a political consensus and that requires people to
give up a little bit of their own...in order to create this common
ground."
A. Mao Tse Dung
B. Hugo Chavez
C. Kim Jong Il
D. None of the above

5) "I certainly think the free-market has failed."
A. Karl Marx
B. Lenin
C. Molotov
D. None of the above

6) "I think it's time to send a clear message to what has become the
most profitable sector in (the) entire economy that they are being
watched."
A. Pinochet
B. Milosevic
C. Saddam Hussein
D. None of the above

Answers:
(1) D. None of the above. Statement made by Hillary Clinton 6/29/04
(2) D. None of the above. Statement made by Hillary Clinton 5/29/07
(3) D. None of the above. Statement made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/07
(4) D. None of the above. Statement made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/07
(5) D. None of the above. Statement made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/07
(6) D. None of the above. Statement made by Hillary Clinton 9/2/05

Be afraid. Be very, very afraid!

America the Unselfish

Got this in an email...some very good stories:


Yes, we're an imperfect country...and some of the media delights in that, pointing it out to us repeatedly. But here's a pleasant read about America and our unselfish motives around the world. Enjoy.

***************

When in England at a large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of empire building by George Bush.

He answered by saying, "Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return."

It became very quiet in the room.

**************

Then there was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break one of the French engineers came back into the room saying "Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?"

A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: "Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck.. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?"

Once again, dead silence.

***************

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, 'whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.' He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe its because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German'

You could have heard a pin drop!